Love and Respect

This past weekend my wife and I had the chance to attend the Love and Respect conference at Woodside Bible Church.  Love and Respect is a book by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs that has spawned a conference, small groups and classes.  Crystal and I had already taken the class at church a little over a year ago, so when we heard that Dr. Eggerichs was coming to Woodside, we jumped at the chance.  The funny thing about marriage conferences (or even counseling for that matter) is that most people think of them the same way that they think of doctors or mechanics.  That if you are going to one, there must be some major problem.  But the truth is, almost everyone takes their car to a mechanic for an oil change or some other routine maintenance so that their car will stay in good working order and last longer.  And almost everyone “should” go to a doctor once a year for a physical to make sure everything is ok and you will last longer.  The same holds true for conferences, they can help keep your marriage in tip top shape.  Love and Respect is all about how God made men and women different and how we speak different languages.  For example, a husband and wife are going to a party and both tell one another “I have nothing to wear”.  Both said the same thing, but both meant something very different.  For the wife, when she says “I have nothing to wear”, what she really means is she has nothing “new” to wear.  For the husband, when he say “I have nothing to wear”, what he really means is that he has nothing “clean” to wear.  Both said the same thing, but both meant something very different. 

The conference revolves around two concepts:….. you guessed it, Love and Respect.  Ephesians 5:33 says “However, each one of you also must LOVE his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must RESPECT her husband.” (NIV)  Notice that the wife wasn’t commanded to love her husband.  Why?  Because God designed women to love.  It comes very naturally to them.  Notice that the husband wasn’t commanded to respect his wife.  Why?  Because God designed men to have respect come naturally.  When Emerson asked 7,000 people the questions: when you are in a conflict with your spouse or significant other, do you feel unloved or disrespected?  83% of the men said “disrespected.”  72% of the women said, “unloved.”  Even though everyone one needs love and respect equally, the felt need differs during conflict, and this is the difference what Emerson calls pink and blue. 

The main concepts around this conference are summed up in three cycles.

• 
  The Crazy Cycle - Without love she reacts without respect and without respect he reacts without love.
• The Energizing Cycle - His love motivates her respect, and her respect motivates his love.
• The Rewarded Cycle – He loves regardless of her respect and she respects regardless of his love.

I would recommend this book and conference to any Christian or Non-Christian couple.  Even if you think that your relationship is good, read this book and make it a great relationship.