Love and Respect

This past weekend my wife and I had the chance to attend the Love and Respect conference at Woodside Bible Church.  Love and Respect is a book by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs that has spawned a conference, small groups and classes.  Crystal and I had already taken the class at church a little over a year ago, so when we heard that Dr. Eggerichs was coming to Woodside, we jumped at the chance.  The funny thing about marriage conferences (or even counseling for that matter) is that most people think of them the same way that they think of doctors or mechanics.  That if you are going to one, there must be some major problem.  But the truth is, almost everyone takes their car to a mechanic for an oil change or some other routine maintenance so that their car will stay in good working order and last longer.  And almost everyone “should” go to a doctor once a year for a physical to make sure everything is ok and you will last longer.  The same holds true for conferences, they can help keep your marriage in tip top shape.  Love and Respect is all about how God made men and women different and how we speak different languages.  For example, a husband and wife are going to a party and both tell one another “I have nothing to wear”.  Both said the same thing, but both meant something very different.  For the wife, when she says “I have nothing to wear”, what she really means is she has nothing “new” to wear.  For the husband, when he say “I have nothing to wear”, what he really means is that he has nothing “clean” to wear.  Both said the same thing, but both meant something very different. 

The conference revolves around two concepts:….. you guessed it, Love and Respect.  Ephesians 5:33 says “However, each one of you also must LOVE his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must RESPECT her husband.” (NIV)  Notice that the wife wasn’t commanded to love her husband.  Why?  Because God designed women to love.  It comes very naturally to them.  Notice that the husband wasn’t commanded to respect his wife.  Why?  Because God designed men to have respect come naturally.  When Emerson asked 7,000 people the questions: when you are in a conflict with your spouse or significant other, do you feel unloved or disrespected?  83% of the men said “disrespected.”  72% of the women said, “unloved.”  Even though everyone one needs love and respect equally, the felt need differs during conflict, and this is the difference what Emerson calls pink and blue. 

The main concepts around this conference are summed up in three cycles.

• 
  The Crazy Cycle - Without love she reacts without respect and without respect he reacts without love.
• The Energizing Cycle - His love motivates her respect, and her respect motivates his love.
• The Rewarded Cycle – He loves regardless of her respect and she respects regardless of his love.

I would recommend this book and conference to any Christian or Non-Christian couple.  Even if you think that your relationship is good, read this book and make it a great relationship.

Capitalism, Zombies and the death of Steve Jobs.

I’ve been reading a lot about the death of Steve Jobs and the protests on Wall Street recently.  With both being at the top of the news headlines, I can’t help but think of the irony they represent.  Both are stories about the two sides of American capitalism.  I am a capitalist at heart.  I feel that Adam Smith was right that in theorizing that if there is no state or external intervention, that individuals (the market) would be able to dictate what products bring the most value to the market by how they spend their money.   If a product or a service is not satisfactory, the market will simply not reward (purchase) it.  People can say they want one thing, but prove what they want by spending their money on it.  Which brings me back to the death of Steve Jobs and Wall Street.  Fairness.  Capitalism is built on equality and fairness.  With no external forces (such as the government), a capitalistic market will balance itself out. 

Steve Jobs built Apple computer in his parent’s garage.  He built a big business and a business that most people would recognize as a good business.  A business that creates valuable products that people want.  Products that make life easier and sometimes more enjoyable. He built products that people weren’t calling for, but for products he wanted to use and that were game changing.  (see Mac, iPod, iPhone, iPad) And for this the market (the people buying his products) has rewarded him and his company for the products they have built for society.  Steve Jobs died a multi-billionaire.   And this was possible because the American capitalist system made it possible.

On the flip side, we have Americans protesting Wall Street by dressing up as zombies.    They weren’t protesting the New York Stock Exchange or the NASDAQ specifically; they were protesting the big banks and individuals that make up Wall Street.  They were protesting the unfairness in the market.  They were protesting a system that is rewarding bad behavior, irresponsibility, and a product that many see as creating no value for society and in many cases have helped degrade it.  While financial CEO’s and hedge fund managers are raking in record profit sharing checks, the people whose money they are supposed to managing, have seen their return on investment either stagnate or actually lose value.  We have a government that has given billions of dollars to these corporations that have let 401K devalue and created exotic, destructive derivative products and subprime loans that benefit no one but the corporation.  While many Americans can recognize the need for certain policies, it is those policies that still offend their sense of fairness and the concept of America as a meritocracy by basically rewarding destructive activities.  As many Americans see it, Wall Street is being rewarded with oversized compensation whether they actually create any value at all.  Many Americans look at Wall Street as being an academic version of a Casino.  Instead of people helping companies build more products that they would like to buy, by purchasing stock with hope that that company will use their money to produce more products or services people want to buy, they are being sold “financial products” that aren’t products at all.  They are gambles.  They are products that call for one group to lose money so that the “financial products” can make money.

For me one of the biggest lessons we should be taking away from these two events is that of the many reasons that the United States of America is the greatest country in the world, capitalism is one of those reasons.  A truly free market does not what the government to dictate market solutions.  A truly free market does not want the government to pick alternative fuel technology to back. (ie giving money away to back electric vehicles).  We know the market says it doesn’t like paying high gas prices and that it wants alternative fuel options, but we don’t need a government to tell the market what that alternative is.  How does the government know what is best for the future?  It can’t even do something as simple as BALANCE A BUDGET.  Most 8^th grade civic classes in this country could do that.  It really is quite simple.  You can’t spend more money they you bring in.  Dave Ramsey has been beating that concept into people’s heads for more than 20 years. Heck, God has been telling us that forever in the Bible.  Let the market decide what the best fuel alternative technology is.  We have had electric hybrid technology in the market for almost 10 years and it still holds a very small portion of the market.  The mass market isn’t buying it.  I’m not saying it isn’t the future, but it should not be the only avenue pursued.  My point is small business, big business, and capitalism is very good, but only to the extent that they are able to function in a system that dish’s out rewards for the creation of value.  It fails when rewards (bailouts) are given out regardless of any value a company or industry creates.  The rewards need to be able to be given to those that create value and give by those that receive the value.

A Dads (and Husbands) Guide to Walt Disney World

Having just spent sent six days in Florida taking our two children (ages 1 ½ and 4 years old) to the four major Disney parks there, I thought I would write down some of the lessons I learned as a husband and father.

General Lessons:

-Men, it’s all about the kids.  I know we are the one’s paying for the trip and we want to check out this show or ride that ride, but you’re an adult… get over it.  With young kids at least, let them dictate the pace and what rides to visit or not visit.  I guarantee if your wife and kids are happy, you will be happy. (Kind of like “happy wife, happy life.”)

-Prepay and schedule as much as you can in advance.  This isn’t as much to save a lot of money, as it is to LOWER YOUR STRESS LEVEL.  Walt Disney World is stimulation over load.  The sights, the sounds, the crowds, the heat, and the prices.  We purchased through Disney the flights, hotel, park passes, and dining plan.  With that it included all the transportation.  Because we purchased a dining plan as well, my wife was wise enough to make reservations for all of our sit down meals. Let me show you by doing all of this how we were able to eliminate our stress levels drastically.  While we were packing at home, Disney sent us luggage tags to put on all of our bags so that when we checked in our luggage at the airport in Detroit, we would no longer need to worry about it.  With the tags Disney provided, they picked up our luggage for us in Orlando and delivered it to our room.  Once we got to the airport in Detroit and checked in our luggage, we had nothing to worry about until we were in our hotel room.  Disney takes care of the luggage and they take care of your transportation from the airport to your hotel. (as long as it is a Disney property)  Once you get to the hotel and check in, you are presented you ‘key’ cards to the park.  Each member of your party gets their own card.  It is your room key, park pass, dining pass, and even charge card is you so choose.  Each dining plan is different.  We chose the one quick serve, one snack, and one sit down meal plan.  By doing this it eliminated all the stress of the outrageous prices of food at Disney World. On a previous trip my wife and I took on our own there several years before, we did not do this.  Because we are very conscious of what we spend, we did not eat very well.  Some of the least expensive food items at Disney World happens to be fried food.  Now don’t get me wrong, I love some fried food.  But walking all day in the heat and only eating fried food, not a good combination.  This time with the dining plan, because the meal was already prepaid, we just ordered what we wanted.  By prepaying and eliminating the need to constantly look at how much each plate is, you just order what you want.  It doesn’t matter if it is the $20 chicken finger dinner or the $38 roast beef mash potato dinner, it’s all a part of the plan.  Then when your trip is over, and you pack up your luggage, there is bag check in for the airlines right at the resort. So we brought our bags to the main building, checked in the airline and checked in our bags right at the hotel.  We did not see our bags again until we picked them up in Detroit.  So we were able to eliminate as much stress as possible.  Here is a summary: Book everything through Disney.  It will eliminate the stress of baggage lugging, transportation around the Disney properties and to and from the airport.  It will eliminate the stress of having to juggle airline carriers. Disney already has a great schedule worked out with the airlines.  Get a dining plan.  It will eliminate the stresses at meal time.  ( I know, I know. some people will say they can save more money by just purchasing food when they want it.  This may be true, but I guarantee you won’t eat as well (health wise) and you will have a lot more stress managing it. Plus if you actually order the good stuff, you break even or come out ahead) And finally make reservations at restaurants that you want to go to.  That way you don’t have to sit for 45 minutes to an hour or more just for a table.  The key is to eliminate as much stress as you can a head of time.  It will make the trip much more enjoyable while you are there.

-For those with younger children, BRING A STROLLER.  When the kids get tired, and they will, you don’t have to carry them. 

-Buy good walking/running shoes. Your feet and back will thank you.  If you don’t run or don’t already have a nice pair of walking shoes, go get fitted and buy them.  Not just the cheap target or payless brand, but a pair that you have a professional watch you walk and fit you with a good pair.  They will probably be a little more, but they are worth every cent.  Once you’ve had a good fitting comfortable pair of shoes for a long walking trip, you won’t regret it.

-Bring sunglasses, sun screen, and a hat.  The sun can be brutal.

-Help your wife.  It is your job to be that guy behind the scenes making sure everything is going smoothly.  Make sure everyone else is having a good time and they are stress free.

-Go to bed early.  They kids will be worn out at the end of the day and should fall asleep as soon as you can get them in bed.  Make sure you go to bed right after them.  A quiet room will help everyone sleep better.

-Speaking of bed time, let the kids tell you when it’s time to go to bed.  Not necessarily verbal, but you know your kids best and can tell how soon you have until they start to melt down.  For example we planned on staying at both Magic Kingdom and Epcot late so that we could watch the fireworks.  The kids could not have stayed up that late.  We didn’t talk about the fireworks, but they were tired and we ready to leave, so we did.  Everyone was happy.

-Smile all the time and don’t argue with your wife.  Again this is about the kids.  If it looks like you are having a good time, it will allow the kids to feel free to enjoy themselves as well.  And then in the end everyone is happy.

-Take breaks.  There a number of playground type things at all the parks. Use them.  Let the kids literally run around and get out the pent up energy they have from waiting in line and sitting in the stroller.  While they play, you can finally sit and take a breather.

Parks:

Walt Disney World:  This really is the happiest place on earth. There is so much to do there.  This is probably the best park for younger kids.  Make sure to check out some of the shows or short movies.  It gives everyone a chance to get out of the sun and into some A/C. 

Epcot:  There are some fun rides here like GM Test Track and Soarin.  But most of Epcot is very educational. From technology and agriculture to the many different cultures of the world in world showcase.

Hollywood Studios:  There aren’t as many rides here but there are a lot of shows. And for guys none is better than Lights, Motors, Action.  This is a 30 minute stunt show featuring lots of cars drifting, doing burn outs, jumping ramps and precision driving. You don’t want to miss it.  For the smaller kids, check out the Toy Story Midway.  It was our daughter’s favorite ride.  Also check out Tower of Terror and Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster.

Animal Kingdom:  This is pretty much a zoo but a lot more fun.  The main ride to see here is Kilimanjaro Safaris.  You ride on a truck through basically an open zoo with roaming animals. Also check out Dinosaur and Expedition Everest.

Food:

The sit down restaurants are very good at Disney.  Our favorite was Boma at Animal Kingdom Lodge.  It was a buffet but everything was so delicious.  It was a selection of Indian, Middle Eastern and African inspired dishes.  We also visited Liberty Tree Tavern in Magic Kingdom.  This was a pleasant surprise.  It was like thanks giving dinner.  Served family style, you get a salad, green beans, mash potatoes, gravy, mac n’ cheese, stuffing, turkey, roast beef, and smoked pork loin, oh and desert too. Epcot probably has the most amount of sit down restaurants you could ask for.  Almost every country in world show case has a nice sit down restaurant.  We ate at Teppan Edo (Japanese steak house) that our daughter loved watching the food cooked in front of her.  We ate at San Angels Inn (Mexican).  Very good.  And we have also eaten at Marrakesh for some delicious Mediterranean food.  Best lamb shank I’ve ever had.  Those are just the one’s we’ve tried.  Spend a little time reading up on what Disney has to offer, and you won’t be stuck eating chicken fingers every night.

I hope this helps any of the guys out there getting ready to take their families to Disney.  If you have any questions please leave me a comment.

The new iPhone 4S

As an iPhone 3GS user, I was excited about the new iPhone that was going to be announced this week.  But instead all of the cool new features and amazing things that it can do being the main thing I took away from the announcement; it was how well apple promotes itself.  Somehow they are able to take the most mundane and average of statistics and make them seem earth shattering and revolutionary.   Now don’t get me wrong.  I love my iPhone.  It is probably the single best technology device I have ever owned, much less cell phone.  I still think it is the best mobile device out there, even better than android. (Here are just a couple of reasons: http://dontbuyandroid.tumblr.com/)  But boy does apple know how to toot its own horn.  You’d have thought that the invented the wheel or something.  Now the improvements to the iOS is something to be impressed with.  The new camera capabilities, iCloud, reminders, Wi-Fi sync and most importantly a PC Free backup and management.  We all know there are flaws in apple products, but they all just seem to work.  How can a company like Microsoft produce revolutionary technology, and dare I say, sometimes even a better product then others in the market but have such a low market “fan” base?  But Apple with all of its restrictions and closed environment, draw the attention and adoration of so many technology fans?

The Winning Attitude. By John C Maxwell

The Winning Attitude is a little bit of common sense, lots of biblical wisdom, and examples and applications that really make it come alive.  Maxwell suggests that your attitude may have more to do with your success and how people perceive you then you ever thought.  He covers many different points including:
-Seven aspects of attitudes and how they can affect your life.
-God thinks more of us than we do ourselves.
-Do not allow your attitude or others to put you in a box and limit your potential.
-Four rules to remember when you have attitude problems.
-Failures are needed on the road to success.  It is impossible to truly succeed without failure.
-Four outward causes of our attitude problems.
-Eight choices we can make to improve our attitude.
-Five things to learn from prayer in Psalm 25:1-10
No one controls your attitude but you.  Don’t give other that much control in your life.  I know things happen in life that get us down, but it is how we choose to view those things and how we choose to react to it.  This was a great book and I would recommend it to anyone.